No Dignity in Old Age

yesterday was a pretty typical day. i watched the baby, did the usual stuff around the house, having no indication that my world could turn upside down in a mere second. thats the thing about Life, you never know when tragic is going to strike and bring you to your knees in an unbearable pain. We just celebrated my mama's 91st birthday last month. God has been so very good to us in blessing us with her longevity and her good health. for 91 years old she's relativity in great health.
late afternoon i had talked to her on the phone, and she told me that she had had one of her "spells" which include vomiting and severe diarrhea . these spells will hit her out of nowhere and last around 2-3 hours and then pass. they wipe her out completely and it usually takes a couple of days for her to bounce back. at 9:30pm,  Im laying in bed, reading trying to unwind for the night when the phone rings and its my mama on the other line.
shes clearly upset and scared. i asked her what was wrong and she told me that since the episode of the afternoon shes been bleeding from her rectum, and having severe stomach pains. she only lives 6 minutes away from me so i told her we were heading to the hospital. she didn't want to go, but i knew we had no other option. things like this can turn quickly into something much worse for her age if not addressed head on. so it's 7 hours in the ER, numerous tests that take too long, and more waiting for a doctor to read the scans from the CT who isn't even in the hospital.
waiting, waiting, waiting
and this whole time, Im talking to God. I tell him that I trust him, and that i know my mama can't live forever, none of us do, however that doesn't make it any easier to cope with. anytime fear would creep inside my head, i immediately turned to the Lord for support, for comfort and i could picture Jesus there, picking me up from the slouching in the rock hard chair. My Jesus who soothes my weary soul, loves me and forgives me even though everyday i fail miserably. He still comes when I call out to him and has never failed me nor forsaken me. it took me a long time to realize this in my life and i often wonder how i ever made it this far without him.
the thing about God is everyday you get a  brand new fresh start. even though you may have failed miserably the day before, he gives you as many chances as you need to make it right with him. and the thing is, all you have to do is call upon him, trust him and surrender your life to him.
when i let that fear and doubt creep inside my head, i immediately pushed it out and grabbed onto the Lord. a soothing replaced the fear and i was left with,
"Not my Will, But Yours Father" in my heart.
before i knew Christ like i do now, I couldn't imagine living in a world without my mother. and to be totally honest, I still can't comprehend the thought without an aching in my heart. but i do know that no matter how bad it gets, Jesus is there with me, holding my hand and wiping my tears.
and giving me a reason to continue forward.
the test results came back and it was determined that she has colitis, was given some medication intravenously and has to be on antibiotics for a week but she should recover. 
there is no dignity in old age. and let me tell you, we had the most caring sensitive nurse, who in dire circumstances treated my mama with respect and compassion. she took care of her as if it were her own mother, and she truly touched my heart. God bless nurses and Doctors because they sure have a tough and nasty job sometimes.  
so after being there for 7 hours, sitting in a rock hard chair,  I took my mama home. i drove back to my house in awe at the grace the nurse extended to us. speechless that God had blessed me with another day with her and utterly grateful with a full heart. there is no better feeling in the world.
May God bless you all as well.



2 months, 18 days - Teaghan
Such a good delightful baby, hardly ever cries or fusses. Goes to sleep on her own. Is drinking 5 ounces of formula every 3 hours. Gets up once a night for a feeding. sticks out her tongue a lot!
holds up her head good. likes "tummy" time. follows you with her eyes. 
love her so much


I woke to thunderstorms...

i woke to thunderstorms this morning, pulling the warm covers back up to my chin, i lingered in bed and listened just to clear my mind for a while.
this last week things have been falling down around me, like chess pieces on a board.  not directly to me but with loved ones, and good friends. i scroll on facebook and all i read is tragedy this week.  seems like its a been a bad week for everyone and all i want to do is just to escape the misery, the pain of the people of this world.
i often wonder why good people have to suffer and then i turn to my bible and it's there for me in black and white.  we suffer so God's glory can shine.
the christian's race is not a jog but rather a demanding and grueling, sometimes agonizing race. it takes a massive effort to finish strong ~ Max Lucado~
Today I read a story on facebook about a young mother who was driving on the interstate with her 5-month daughter. a woman driving on the same interstate who was busy swirling from lane to lane in a big hurry, and  texting on her phone, took her eyes off the road and 
 slammed into the young mothers car and the baby buckled in the backseat   was ejected to the front dashboard, entangled in the dash board.
they rushed her to the hospital  but to no avail, she succumbed to head injures yesterday morning. a family shattered beyond any level of pain they ever thought possible.
we are a society out of control. without my faith i don't know how i would survive. I lean on Jesus to get me through this nightmare of a world because I know that this world is temporary. although i fail miserably at being a good person, i know in my heart that Jesus still loves me and thats what keeps me going. Jesus. Its that simple.

 today Im going to snuggle inside, curl up in bed with a book and listen to the rain hit the windowpane. 



i woke up at 5:30 AM this morning with my tooth killing me. it's been hurting for the past week, looks like Im going to have to make a dentist appointment and get my ass in there, once again...ugh.
i hate teeth! they are so painful and I've had my share of bad luck with them lately. just had to have a root cancel 2 months ago and now this. i need 2 crowns that are going to cost me $2400. *big sigh*
i've been such a scatter brain lately. last saturday i shot a wedding out of town and ended up leaving behind my Sigma Art Lens 18-35. Luckily my bride has it and shipped it out to me yesterday, it should be here tomorrow. trying to get all my senior sessions done and finish up my last wedding. i possibly have 1 more wedding in December, I'll find out Saturday. that would be a nice way to top off  the year!
im still trying to wrap my head around the fact that Christmas is 2 months away.
the weather this last week has been cool and dreary with on and off rainshowers. another week or so and im sure all the trees will have turned color and the leaves will slowly drop off with a good wind. yesterday was the first time i had to turn on the heat. im ready for cooler weather and i really do hope we get some good snow this year. last year we had mostly rain, but i need at least one or two good snowstorms to shoot in this year.

 snow like this! the kind that looks like a winter wonderland. that drapes the trees in a white blanket and clings to branches. breathtaking. winter can be so pretty but she can show her nastiness  too.


A grey Day begins...

wednesday already. woke up to a dreary  day with droplets of rain hitting the window panes. autumn is coming slowly in bits and pieces this year. its cool today just like a autumn day should be. window is slightly cracked and i can hear a crow gloating outside. not at all how i feel today. im happy to snuggle in under covers and love on baby teaghan today. i know the time with her  will be short, for they grow up so fast. i asked God yesterday to please  s l o w down my time with her. to let me breath her littleness in for as long as i can. im trying more these days to be present in the moment, fully present.
seems like im always rushing, anxious for another day to begin while i don't appreciate the moment Im in.  time has a way of scurrying by way to fast. 
yesterday i spend some time walking through the woods by myself with my camera . it was quiet, the only sound the click of the shutter and crunching leaves underfoot. acorns dropped from trees and cluttered the ground. 
i picked up my mama and ran her to do a few errands and seized the time to snap a few candid photos of her. you can never have too many photographs of the people you love and cherish. our time here on this earth is so brief. 

at 91 years old she is still elegant and classy. my mama has always been a sophisticated  woman,  and even at 91 years of age she still dresses in the current trends. still gets her hair done twice a week. God truly has blessed us.