Winter | Grieving and all the In-Between

 Well it's been a while since I've blogged. Between grieving and not having the energy or want  to do anything, I'm just here. I live for the days that keep me busy, busy so that I don't have time to think. Busy playing with my grandkids, covering myself in Scripture and clinging to Jesus to hold me up.

today I saw a red cardinal again. Thanks Mama I've been needing a sign from you, something tangible to let me know you are still with me, even if you are not physically present on this earth. 

In 9 days you will have been gone for 4 months! 4 MONTHS! as I type that my heart still cannot fully grasp the fact that you are gone. I wonder if I'll ever laugh again, or be happy again. I wonder if this gapping hole in my heart will ever fill back up again to where it feels whole again.

_________________________________________

Winter this year has been brutal, leaving behind mounds of snow and ice packed everywhere. Our streets are awful and I think the city has just given up on getting everyone plowed out. the snow just keeps coming. We probably have about 17 inches out there and a good thick slab of ice underneath all that. Spring is going to be a real mess with flooding and mudholes everywhere.

I went to the bookstore yesterday. Long gone are the days where I would go in, grab a stack of books and magazines , grab a coffee and settle down for a couple hours. Now the cafe is closed off and very few table and chairs are left out. it's a rush in, quickly grab what I want and leave. Next month will mark 1 year of living with COVID pandemic. 2020 will definitely go down as one of the worse years of my life

_____________the year I lost My Mama

________________________the year the world stopped living

_________________________the year of only going out for what you absolutely need and stocking up on face masks and hand sanitizer. 

_____________________the year where holidays didn't feel special and traditions were not followed from past generations. 

_____________________going long periods of time without human contact

___________________long days turn into longer nights with no relief in sight.

_______________________I ache for the world we use to live in and I pray, Dear Lord, I pray one day soon we can get back to normal and mundane days of life.

________________________

xoxoxox