Mama

 Hi Mama,

Friday will be 210 days  since you've been gone. Today, unfortunately is one of those "HARD" days.

Every where I turn, I see you, You seem to be everywhere but nowhere that I can gain access to you from. And that totally sucks.  We've gone thru the last  1/2 of Autumn, all of Winter, and now Spring.

it's so hard to do anything while grieving. hard to get out of bed, hard to get in the shower, hard to do everything, clean house, cook dinner, everything is a constant struggle and I'm so tired. I just want to go to sleep and wake up and know that you are still here, with us, walking this earth.

I'm trying to hold Shelly together and keep her from falling off the wagon, again.  I feel like since you left nothing is right. I'm off - balance somehow. either leaning to one side or the other. I'm trying to get out of this "slup" if that's what you call "grief" but it seems the more time that goes by the worse I miss you.  Everyday feels like a broken record. it is played over and over again. I feel like I wasn't even present for the Christmas, my birthday, all the dreaded "firsts" we as a family have to go through without you. I never in a million years thought it would be this hard. 

I'm so lost, Mama. I just cannot imagine living the rest of my life without you here.