the day started late...

Autumn has come and seems to be gone in a hurry. Winter is howling and banging to get in, and I do all I can do to try to slow her down. I'm not ready for winter yet, I still want an "Indian summer", but the tree's grow barer with each passing day, the orange, yellow and red leaves skirt down the street and are pushed into corners, wet and soggy. rain, a lot of rain we've had this season. 

memories of childhood autumn's dance in the back of my head. they sit down beside me and brush up against me pushing their way in.

most days I feel locked out. someone has locked the door and hidden the key. I search for it under beds, behind doors and today the wind lifted the curtain just a bit, enough for me to catch a glimpse inside. 

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the day started late. it started at noon actually, another reckless night of sleep. mind refusing to rest and body tossing and turning. those nights are long and endless and I've been plagued with them for a week now.  so I started the afternoon with coffee and bible study, letting God led me where I need to be. I'm convinced we are not meant to carry these heavy burdens but my mind fights me, insisting that i am wrong.   I still carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, even though I know I don't have too. sometimes I am my own worse enemy. 

Did you know that your mind just cannot think? that every day, every second, every minute there is a thought racing through your head. there simply is not a switch that you can turn on and off. 

I simply long for a day where I can just drift through without a simple thought, a worry, a day without the constant turmoil that goes on inside my head. 

I'm now ready to hibernate for winter,

xoxox