6 Months | 175 Days | 26 Weeks

 It doesn't even seem possible Mama that you have been gone for 6 months this coming Wednesday. 175 days & 26 weeks without you. I can't even find the words to describe the huge hole that's been left in my heart.  Every day I dread getting out of bed, but God is faithful to give me the grace and strength to accomplish it. Some days that's all I can manage.  I have no desire to do anything or go anywhere. There isn't a store or a restaurant I can walk into without having a memory of you tied to it.

A lot of "First" things have already come and pass since you left. I know you were tired, Mama but damn I miss you so much.  I wish I would have known that day when they wheeled you down to surgery that you wouldn't be coming back. How stupid I was to think that we'd get more time. God graced me with you for 59 years, but I am greedy. I want more time with you. Oh Mama, I'd give anything to go back a few years. 

Mother's Day is next week. Instead of us playing a nice dinner out somewhere, I will instead be at the cemetery laying flowers on your gravesite and probably crying a river.  I don't wanta go there, Mama. Not there. I haven't been there since your funeral. Once I see your name on that headstone it will make it that much more real and I don't want this to real anymore.  The world seems colder without you in it. and Lonely. So lonely.

I. feel. like. nobody. gets. it. 

And I know I'm far from the last person to have lost their Mama. 

Life is so short Mama.  it's too bad we don't realize that sooner;  until we are usually at the end of our earthly life. I'll cry to my grave until I see you again, Mama.

xoxoxo