September & Mama

 Hi Mama,

It's September. Our time of the year and one of our favorite months, alongside October. I remember how every year you looked forward to sitting in your kitchen and watching the big Maple tree across the street turn a vibrant yellow and eventually the leaves would drop off one by one. and stay bare thru winter.  There are so many times about this year that make me miss you even more. I'm really going to miss your homemade vegetable soup this winter! Although I know the recipe it never turns out quite as good as yours does. It's hard to sit in these memories, Mommy. When I think last year you were still here and we had no idea what was coming.  We  were making plans for October and we had just celebrated your 94th birthday, not knowing that it would be our last. 

.....the Last....

of everything good with you. 

the memories come every day, like a blown out pipe that you can't plug up. I never thought "grief" would be this HARD or last this long. I can't believe in 41 days - FORTY ONE DAYS...it'll be a year that you've left. I never thought I'd be able to do it. Live on this earth without you here. But Praise God he has been here for me every single day pushing me out of bed every morning, sometimes afternoons.  He's been here in the friendships and understanding that you've brought to me through dear friends. He's been here in the blessings that have shown up unexpectedly and in so many ways, Mama. 

it gives my heart such joy to know that you are in the presence of our Lord and Savior. And to know one day I will join you there is what keeps me hanging on. Every day I'm one day closer to seeing you again.  So many things have happened that I would have wanted to share with you. Novie is getting so big. I know you loved her a lot and she always points to your picture and says, "Grandma." and then she'll ask me if you are in heaven. 

if you can believe it, the world has gotten so much worse since you left. more hatred and evil runs rampant. Sometimes, I'm glad you are not still here fighting the battle every day. It's comforting to know you are happy, and whole and perfect now. no more tears. 

RIP Mama till I see you again.

xoxoxox