Goodbye 2021 what a disappointment you turned out to be.

 where to even start. the world has been a not so nice place the last 2 years for me. and then throw COVID into the mix and it's been a real struggle. the amount of bad news is overwhelming and my head and heart are in denial big time.

ten days before Christmas my best friend in the whole world suddenly and unexpectedly died at her home at 51 years of age.   Last year she lost her mom 3 weeks before I lost mine, also unexpectedly.  So this last year we have been navigating life together holding each other up, coffee dates, lunch dates, shopping dates. we have been each other confident and cheer-leader for the last 13 months. 

My gorgeous beautiful Jen, 11 days ago i got the awful call from Dave while I was doing my morning bible study. Nothing could have prepared me for what he said next, "Kelly, Jenny's dead. I came home from work and she's gone." the floor fell out from underneath me as I grabbed my keys and ran to the car. thankful it only took me 1 minute to get over to your house cause you live up the street. as i'm searching for a place to park, the driveway is being hoarded by the medical examiner's hurst and numerous police cars. So many people, and then little by little family started showing up.  I begged them to let me inside to hold Jenny one last time but they wouldn't allow us to enter the house. 

 I was so totally unprepared for seeing her at the mortuary. I've seen my share of dead people before but nothing could have prepared me for seeing my beautiful bestie laying in that box. she looked so tiny and frail.  not at all the vibrant, laughing woman we knew her to be.  The medical field FAILED her and I blame them for her untimely death. She has been sick for the last 7 months, seeing every kind of doctor there is and was only diagnosed 6 days before her death with a severe (Thiamine) deficiency. Basically vitamin B1. Since her death I have spent countless hours on the computer researching this and for months she had every single symptom and you're telling me NOT one of these doctors could figure that out? She had lost 100 pounds in 6 months and had numerous side effects that included vomiting repeatedly everyday, loss of appetite, extreme fatigue,  nerve damage, muscle weakness, lower body paralysis,  mental confusion,  eye vision problems, dizziness, memory loss. For 7 months we watched her dwindle away to bones. A number of people who suffer from a vitamin deficiency are people who have had weight loss surgery (Which she did) her doctors should have caught that! 6 days before she died she was released from the hospital. WHY the hell was this woman who had been begging for help for months released from the hospital after a 6 day stay? Especially since she was still sick! She couldn't even get off her couch by herself and could only walk using a walker. I am beyond furious that we live in the US and this kind of thing is being missed. This should not have happened! My beautiful Jen should still be here. There was NO reason this had to happen. there was NO reason she had to die. 

Her 2 daughters are left without a mother. Her husband of 20 years without a wife. and many other people's lives she touched every day. Her beloved family. This is just so unfair. and it's hurts. it hurts that I have to live the rest of my life without my best friend. it sucks that for the past year I've been grieving the loss of my mom and now I have to accept that my best friend is gone. I'M SO ANGRY.

I'm so sorry Jen that the medical field, & your doctors FAILED YOU. It shouldn't have happened and I'm going to do my best to make sure their is justice for her. Doctors and hospitals are going to pay.

I love you darling and I know you are surround in the most purest love ever and that makes me happy. However living the rest of my life without you will be hell.

RIP till I get up there! 

Besties forever.

xoxoxo