Time Is a Funny Thing

Time is a funny thing. When you are in good times and good health time fly's by. When you are down at your end of the rope time drags. Minutes feel like Hours.  When you are in pain and the end seems as if it will never come. You pray it will come, but it doesn't. Suffering is hard. it's hard to suffer and it's hard to be around people who are suffering. As Christians we are called to suffer. it's a guarantee from God, we all will suffer at one time or another in this lifetime. It's how we battle the suffering and the character we develop during the suffering that defines the kind of person we will be.  I like to think that I'm the type of person who could suffer well, but I know I'm not. I will be grumpy and probably tend to take it out on people who are caring for me. This doesn't make me happy to think that this is how I would react, and I hope I'm wrong. I've know people who died who have suffered horribly and they did it with love and dignity. I hope I'm that kind of person but who really knows?

My life right now is good. I'm happy with where I am at. I have my children and my grandchildren, wonderful friends (the few that I have left) I have people that I love and care about me. I miss my Mama desperately and I miss my bestie, Jen. I'm trying to live the best life possible for them. because I know that's what they would want. But damn its so hard some days.  I never knew death would be this hard. this...forever. no coming back. I mean you know, but you don't really know until you have to live it .and it SUCKS.

My greatest joy now comes from my grandchildren. I love that I can disappear into their perfect world and the worse thing to happen is your ice cream falls off the cone. I love that we can laugh, and build forts and my whole attention is focused on them. the last 2 days I had Novah. She is so special. and smart and beautiful. 

My perfect silly joyful beautiful girl, Novah Jo.