My Oldest brother, Jack

heavy heart. jack is not doing well so my mom called this morning to tell me she was over there. to my surprise he wanted to talk to me. i really wasn't prepared for the stranger who greeted me on the phone with...."Hello, what are you doing brat."

it was my brother, Jack, yet a softer, kinder person, who talked to me this morning. i decide to grab my camera and head over there.

when i walked in the door, i was immediately greeted with a warm embrace from my sister in law, Val.

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my brother Jack was sitting upright in his recliner chair, which now serves as a bed as well. he cannot lay down because he cannot breath. our dear sweet mama was sitting beside him, holding his hand and squeezing it every so often. let me just say this, there is no dignity in dying. it strips away ever part of your being and leave you helpless, depending on everyone for your every need and want.

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its harder than hard to watch someone you love suffer endlessly. yet at the same time you pray to God for their suffering to end. My brother has been sick for so long, so many years.

it's hard to sit by and watch your 88-year old mama's heart slowly breaking and to know there is nothing you can do to stop the earth-shattering gut-deep God awful pain that is coming. you can't prepare for that, and no matter how bad you want to shield them from it, you can't.

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no matter what age a child should not go before their parents. I pray to God I never have to endure that kind of loss, or pain.

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.Sigh. Heavy Heart.

XOXOX