Some Days...

Its hard to love yourself. its hard to see yourself as others see you. they don't know your secrets, your beauty flaws, your insecurities, they certainly don't know the ugly secrets that you've dug so deep that you can't even see the bottom of the pit anymore, or how you can be in a room full of people and yet feel so lonely.

some days i feel things to deep. it still amazes me that my heart is like a sponge that can absorb someone else's pain, heartbreak, their sadness, and somehow when i take on someone eles's problems, their sadness then i don't have to dwell on mine so much. and then i don't have to scold myself for having these feelings in the first place. i don't even know why we have to have sad days. days when you really don't have anything to be sad about but still there she is, hovering over in the corner, staring you down, you turn around to run but she catches you, somehow you are just never fast enough to escape the sadness, the achiness. you can never outrun her.

 sometimes i wonder how it can hurt so much and other times not at all.

 there are so many times i can't stand myself.

i keep telling myself time and time again, sooner or later, I'll get it. i'll understand why i keep trying, why i keep putting myself out there every day

only to fight the feeling of unworthiness no matter how hard i try.

someday, i'll get it
if i tell myself that enough times during the night, some day i will get it.
XOXO