In-Between Days

Wednesday - May Days

the lilacs have bloomed and when I walk outside the scent is apparent that it is Spring.

 Spring pushes up against chilly air today with gusty breezes. the house is full and there is no peace to be found anywhere. it's filled with baby cries that turn to giggles in 2 seconds flat. i miss my quiet get aways to the bookstore where i can escape for hours. i miss people. i miss interacting and i miss hanging out with friends,  and stopping in for a quick drink and street shooting. i miss shooting weddings and the celebrations of a new life beginning, the laughing and the happiness.

i feel like i'm drowning in a black hole.

I'm in between fear and uncertainty now. my anxiety has skyrocketed  and each day is a new struggle in itself.  i feel misplaced. i quit taking my Prozac |  BIG MISTAKE.  now i'm tethering on  unbalanced emotions.  my doctor started me on a new medication yesterday but unfortunately it will take a couple weeks to take affect. Im craving peace and have noticed myself distancing from friends and family, which is common for me to do when i get into this depression.

i want to hang lights on my back porch this year. i want to fill it with hanging plants and flowers, so i can escape out there when the need arises, which seems to be all the time lately.

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my sister continues to get worse. next Thursday i take her over to the heart institute for a heart test. they have ruled out that she doesn't not have COPD . however the COPD test revealed that her right lung is not working. the doctor said it's either a lung problem or a heart problem. at this point i'm leaning toward it being her heart. but i'm thankful that after all this time they are finally doing something since this has been going on since last November.

stay safe friends.

XOXOX