70 Days...

 70 days, sissy. 70 days I've been waking up and trying to get use to what now is my new "normal" life. A life without you. I miss you so much and most days I try my hardest not to remember you are gone. For our whole lives we were there for one another, no matter how angry we got at each other, we always knew without a doubt that we would be there if the other one needed us. I feel like half of me is gone now. I don't have that "forever" person I thought I was going to grow old with. In my heart I know you are with Kelly (your husband) and Mama and that's all you wanted in the last months of your life. Your sickness.  

I try not to linger on your last 2 days in the hospital. How after I left the ER wednesday, June 14 I didn't know I would never be able to have a coherent conversation with you again, that during the night you took a turn for the worse and by the time they let us up to the ICU you didn't even know what was going on. If I had known I would of stayed longer and held you closer. My heart is just shattered without you. I hope you know how much I love you; and have always loved you, even when I didn't agree on your lifestyle or the choices you made. I tried for so many years to save you and I couldn't. No matter what I did I couldn't get you away from that evil. 

I am grieving not only the loss of you but also all the wonderful times and memories we could of had in the future and all that we lost in the past. 

I know if you were here you would be right here with me, holding my hand and telling me everything would be okay with Richard. I hope that you are guiding him and looking over him. 

My only peace is knowing you are at peace...finally

I love and miss you sissy.

Twins forever

xoxoxo