Trying to Live Normal when you're Deep in Grief

 I've been trying to do as many things as I can that are considered to be "in my normal routine."  But I'm really struggling. Every day that goes by is getting harder and harder to live with the fact that my twin sister is not here anymore. On the 15th it will be 4 months, 121 days without her.

121 days living without the person I shared a womb with, my childhood with, who I shared everything with is just gone... My heart feels like it is just going to shatter, and I really don't know how to get thru this heaviness of life without her. I just sit and play thru the last days of her life. I have no energy to do anything. I'm up most of the night and don't usually go to bed till 3am or 4am, then sleep till noon. I can't seem to shake myself out of this funk.  I'm trying to deal with my husband's cancer and upcoming surgery possibly on November 10 if the PET scan comes back that they cancer hasn't spread anywhere else in his body.

Right now I'm barely hanging on by a thread, trying to see life thru the eyes of my grandchildren. Trying to live in the present.

xoxox