January Blues

it's January. the most dreaded month of the year for me and i don't know why exactly i've just never liked it. the thrill and anticipation of the holidays is over, the holiday lights are packed up into a box and stored for another year. it's usually cold and we usually get snow this month. Currently we are waiting for a snowstorm that is moving in that has the potential  to leave us with up to a foot of white powder. it's going to be snowing from tonight until wednesday morning. i don't mind the snow i hate the cold minus 0 temps that usually follow.

Christmas this year was extra hard. i cooked dinner but alexis was sick so they weren't able to come. it was extremely quiet and the missing of my mama and sister was very real. the silence was deafening. 

it's been almost 7 months since i lost my twin sister, shelly and still today i cannot believe she's not here. my head and heart refuse to except it and when i think about her, my heart literally feels like it's going to shatter into a thousand pieces. i don't know how to let her go. how do you let go of someone who is identical to you and has been with you for your whole life since conception... i just can't do it. even though i was with her as she took her last breath i can't let go of her. i still look for her in crowds, i still wait for her morning and evening phone call. i'm gonna have to get into a grief group. losing the most 3 important people in my life over the last 3 years has been unreal. first losing my mom, the jen my best friend, and now my sister.   i cannot even entertain the thought of losing anyone else i love, it will push me over the edge as i'm barely hanging on the edge now. 

loved this session i did last week with the two below. there connection was so real and so pure.

here's to hoping 2024 will be the year filled with:

healing

peace

acceptance

& L O V E