Living Life....By the minute

I came across a quote today that really fit well with what I've been going through for many years of my life and it pertains well with where I am at this point in my life:

Sometimes we have to let go of what's killing us; even if it's killing us to let go ~

A Mother-Child, (A sibling) bond is one that should be nurtured and cherished. It is a strong bond and one that is not easily broken. I know this because I have this bond with one of my children. I am a twin, an identical twin. That is a accountability I have had to carry with me around for my whole life. My sister actually is the one who is older than I - by a mere three minutes. I have always been the stronger of the two. So for most of my life I have had to be my "Sister's Keeper" per say. It's a heavy burden and one that my mother has held me too for many years. When in fact, it was her job as a mother, not my job as a child, or adult. 

 Last night, I finally realized that you know what....it's okay if I put that burden down...if the load is too heavy for me to carry anymore...So I released it. It's funny how much you don't know how much weight you are carrying around until you stop...breathe...and release it. It's time (beyond time) for my sister to start taking care of herself. For her to finally grow up and to stop depending on me to take care of her, financially, and emotionally because it is too much for me to bear anymore and in the aftermath I have lost a part of myself, and there are things that I don't like about me now. Things that I wish to rid myself of.

I've come to learn that life doesn't care if we are twenty or forty, life takes what it wants...and these moments will unravel you and bring you to your knees in the purest form of agony.

  However, if you are smart and wise you will shed what you no longer need, pick up the pieces of your shattered past, the bruised and broken parts and try to move on. You'll realize that its okay to let go of things that are sucking the life force out of you. So many times we live in chains not realizing we have to power or the keys to let go.  Funny thing is, you don't get to tell people, family, or friends how to love you, but you do get to choose whether or not you want to participate in the way they love you...

And last night, I choose to not participate in that fucked up kind of love anymore. It's not healthy for me and it's time I started to put me first....for a change. So although it's killing me to let go...it's killing me more to hang on.

XOXOX

Kelly