words...thoughts and musings .....

my girl and I are ready for Autumn

~~~~~~~~~~~~

ready for cooler nights to rack up a piles of leaves and jump in

ready for hot coca and bonfires 

snuggles on the couch watching scary halloween movies

our first fire in the fireplace

cinnamon and pumpkin pie smells

crunchy leaves underfoot

craving pumpkins 

thanksgiving

big fluffy blankets to wrap up in

~~~~~~~~~~~~

but today is, turning on the air conditioner after 4 days of open windows and doors...

trying to make sense and come to peace after losing a friend in a motorcycle accident and worrying about the surviving brother, hoping that he places his faith and trust in God's hands

because there is no way he'll be able to get through this without faith.

i can't sleep and don't want to get out of bed the last few days...

plagued with nightmares and flashes of sadness cling to me

no matter how how hard i try to scrub it off clean in the shower....

~~~~~~~~~~

one night last week, caitlin and i were asleep, it was 2am in the morning.

i jumped up from a somber sleep as i heard a horrible crash, it sounded like it came from the kitchen. i got out of bed, walked down the hall, and flipped on the light in the kitchen...immediately looking toward the windows...but everything was intact..and then i noticed the floor, it was wet and shiny and smelled like beer and there were little brown pieces of glass scattered everywhere. (for days i was still finding shards of glass everywhere)

i crept around the door and peeked into the living room. the white sheer curtains had been knocked off the rod and there was a hole in the screen that went right through the glass...shattered into tiny bits of sharpness...

the dining room table was also covered in glass and wetness

as well as the area rug....

i wasn't scared, although i should have been, i was angry more than anything.  i've lived here for 17 years and have never had anything like this happen. i've always felt safe, and secure from the hardness of people and the brutalness of the world inside my little house...but not anymore...

i am one of those people who loves to leave the curtains and blinds pulled up so all the light can get in during the day. now i feel violated and by night fall all drapes and blinds are closed tight. doors and windows locked and get checked again at least 3 times before i head to bed.

and....i hate it...i hate that when i go to bed at night i lay there, alert and listening

just waiting for anything out of normal....

i hate the world we live in today....

~~~~~~~~~~~~

tonight its mushroom and spinach pizza, mozzarella cheese and garlic, drizzled with olive oil for dinner....

plucking eyebrows, and painting toe-nails...

getting last minute details done for upcoming shoots friday night and a wedding on saturday....

and the air conditioning blaring on full speed...

with a promise of rain tonight...

more rain means more humidity

rain. so much of it this summer...

i can only imagine what winter will bring....

XOXO