the end of december....

november was here and gone before i even realized it. it was open doors and windows for much of the month. it was sweaters, instead of winter coats,  high heels instead of boots....it was bouts of rain and puddles in the basement, the water soaking into the fallen clothes that had drifted too the floor from a over loaded laundry basket....

and then i shut my eyes to it....

i didn't want to be bothered with handling wet sopping stinky clothes...

it was a lazy month..no energy

no words and the need to hibernate in bed more often....

catching up on lots of reading, and trips to the bookstore for lattes and new books....

and new wishes

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December showed up in a whisper....no rain, no blustery winds and no snow....

until the second week....and then she came with 10 inches of snow

and bitter cold temps....

now...we are above normal and for christmas day they are calling for a high of 53 degrees....

Christmas is one day away. it's 1:21 am Saturday morning and insomnia is my foe tonight.

wrapping last minute gifts, and  racing thoughts thru my head are keeping sleep far away.

the dog is outside my window, barking....the house is quiet and the only lights on are those that twinkle....i stayed in bed all day and had a "Revenge" marathon, stayed in my pjs and soft fuzzy slippers. i had the house to myself so other than the tv, there was silence and spits of rain against the window
 i've been feeling unwanted, unloved for weeks now...i can't remember the last time i laughed, or was kissed or held....i really just want someone to hold me tight
and let me know they care...i need some tenderness against the cold heartedness i've been feeling for months....

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i am in no way ready to take down my Christmas decor. I feel as if i just got everything up and a depression sets in when the bright reds, silvers, fresh greenery and twinkling lights are packed up for yet another year. this year im going to leave some of the twinkling lights up because i like them...they calm me and hide me in the shadows when i don't want to be seen....they remind me of fireflies in the summer on the back porch with a glass of wine....

I'll miss the pretty....

XOXO