Oh look...Another GLOOM day

i had to force myself out of bed this morning...

because i know what was gonna greet me...again..its like it the same day over and over...

another gray, raining day...

a friend mention that i may need to start taking some vitamin D - and i have to agree, like 3 bottles worth the way i've been feeling these last 2 weeks....

i feel like we are going backward into winter, instead of jumping forward into Spring.

and yes, i know this is sounding routine and so much like a bitch session

i can barely stand myself at this point.

these last couple of weeks, i have to force myself to do anything. i don't want to get out of bed, i don't want to go anywhere

i don't literally want to do a thing

im just numb....

and irritable

and pissed off feeling.....

and i can't stand myself when i get like this...so i feel sorry for the people who have to live with me...

i can't help it...im working on trying to feel better, its just taking longer than i thought

i don't do winter well....

and when its suppose to be spring, she doesn't show up....then its not a good thing for me....

honestly i don't now why i live here,

well, yes, i do, its because i don't want to leave my kids and my grandchildren...my mom is here and she still needs me, i don't have the luxury of moving thousand miles away like some people in my family do.

i guess that because im not selfish. i don't think of myself first...

others happiness comes before mine, and thats a concept not everyone has.

i've been pleading, begging with God to lift this black cloud hanging over me and i know he will, when he feels like its the right time. until then i have to stay focused on the bigger picture, which lately is getting harder and harder to do....

i hate being around negative people so at this point, i can hardly stand myself and i know beating myself up isn't helping anything either.

~~~~~~~~

Caitlin and I both have chiro appointments today after that Im going to my happy place,

the bookstore. Im going to grab a arm full of books, find a table, order some tea and just have some me time, im going to talk to strangers and force myself out of this deep pit.

XOXO