No Dignity in Old Age

yesterday was a pretty typical day. i watched the baby, did the usual stuff around the house, having no indication that my world could turn upside down in a mere second. thats the thing about Life, you never know when tragic is going to strike and bring you to your knees in an unbearable pain. We just celebrated my mama's 91st birthday last month. God has been so very good to us in blessing us with her longevity and her good health. for 91 years old she's relativity in great health.

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late afternoon i had talked to her on the phone, and she told me that she had had one of her "spells" which include vomiting and severe diarrhea . these spells will hit her out of nowhere and last around 2-3 hours and then pass. they wipe her out completely and it usually takes a couple of days for her to bounce back. at 9:30pm,  Im laying in bed, reading trying to unwind for the night when the phone rings and its my mama on the other line.

shes clearly upset and scared. i asked her what was wrong and she told me that since the episode of the afternoon shes been bleeding from her rectum, and having severe stomach pains. she only lives 6 minutes away from me so i told her we were heading to the hospital. she didn't want to go, but i knew we had no other option. things like this can turn quickly into something much worse for her age if not addressed head on. so it's 7 hours in the ER, numerous tests that take too long, and more waiting for a doctor to read the scans from the CT who isn't even in the hospital.

waiting, waiting, waiting

and this whole time, Im talking to God. I tell him that I trust him, and that i know my mama can't live forever, none of us do, however that doesn't make it any easier to cope with. anytime fear would creep inside my head, i immediately turned to the Lord for support, for comfort and i could picture Jesus there, picking me up from the slouching in the rock hard chair. My Jesus who soothes my weary soul, loves me and forgives me even though everyday i fail miserably. He still comes when I call out to him and has never failed me nor forsaken me. it took me a long time to realize this in my life and i often wonder how i ever made it this far without him.

the thing about God is everyday you get a  brand new fresh start. even though you may have failed miserably the day before, he gives you as many chances as you need to make it right with him. and the thing is, all you have to do is call upon him, trust him and surrender your life to him.

when i let that fear and doubt creep inside my head, i immediately pushed it out and grabbed onto the Lord. a soothing replaced the fear and i was left with,

"Not my Will, But Yours Father" in my heart.

before i knew Christ like i do now, I couldn't imagine living in a world without my mother. and to be totally honest, I still can't comprehend the thought without an aching in my heart. but i do know that no matter how bad it gets, Jesus is there with me, holding my hand and wiping my tears.

and giving me a reason to continue forward.

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the test results came back and it was determined that she has colitis, was given some medication intravenously and has to be on antibiotics for a week but she should recover. 

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there is no dignity in old age. and let me tell you, we had the most caring sensitive nurse, who in dire circumstances treated my mama with respect and compassion. she took care of her as if it were her own mother, and she truly touched my heart. God bless nurses and Doctors because they sure have a tough and nasty job sometimes.  

so after being there for 7 hours, sitting in a rock hard chair,  I took my mama home. i drove back to my house in awe at the grace the nurse extended to us. speechless that God had blessed me with another day with her and utterly grateful with a full heart. there is no better feeling in the world.

May God bless you all as well.

XOXO