sleepless in iowa

sleepless in Iowa

at 1:00 AM

AC blaring on high, one-minute freezing, the next hot. 

I go outside. to the back porch. the moon is setting lower and I light a cigarette. after 2 years of quitting, i light one up.

it tastes horrible, but i love the way it feels in my hand. it's the one thing that i've had control over for the whole day. it's crazy, i know, but it's familiar. i don't think it will matter how long it's been since I've quit, it just feels like comfort. like you've been away on a long trip and you step in the front door, comfort.

my mind is restless tonight. i know going to bed will only bring tossing and turning, so i avoid it,

instead catching up on blogs when i should be getting some work done.

tomm caitlin has a dr appt and hopefully, they should have on the schedule for induction sometime the week of July 9th. and of course, i, on the other hand, am praying that baby girl Novah will decide to come sooner. I'm done playing out the waiting game. i want to see her and hold her and spill out so much on her she won't be able to stand it. I'm looking forward to walking the halls at 3 AM softly whispering lull-a-byes in her tiny ears.

and watching her fall asleep as she eats.

oh please hurry Novah, these days I'm barely hanging on.

XOXO