First Part of August

 the last of August days are usually hot, humid and just like  in years pass, i'm wanting to rush through these last summer days to get to my favorite season, Autumn. 

warm days with windows open, slight breezes, early evenings on the back porch with a glass of wine or sweet tea depending on the day.

since my mom died last october i feel as if some days i'm not even fully here in the present moment or day. i'm tied up in memories of years pass. our first crop of tomatoes came in. last night in the garden as i was picking them by the handfuls all i could think of was how much my mama would have enjoyed these. we always waited in anticipation for the first batch to turn red. the vines are pulled down to the ground by the weight of the juice red ones.

this week has been especially a tough one for me. richard had a heart attack on saturday. i haven't been to the hospital that my mom died in since last october and once again i was forced to the ER room, and a wait on the heart floor while more stents were added to the 17 he already has. All the ugly raw feelings came rushing down like a waterfall leaving me weak and yelling out for Jesus to help me, help me make it through this. and faithfully just like he always is...he was there, picking me up off the floor and gently wiping the tears that quietly rolled down my face away. Nudging me to keep my faith and my eyes focused on HIM.  So that's what I did. I grabbed tight onto Jesus and didn't let go.

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there is still room for love. even after being uprooted or when survival is painful. even through trauma.

just ask the universe

when it aches too much to see, it will tell you how the big bang

was when everything broke so it could be.

Nikita Gill