the dog end days of August with my Loves...

 we are in the dog end days of August. in the 90s all week so I don't anticipate doing anything outside this week.  been spending as much time with my little ones. these days go by so fast and before y'all know it they are grown adults.  It's funny when you are young you wish the days away. when you get older you realize just how short your life really is. a breath. a vapor. a mist. 

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this week marks 10 months my mom has been gone. it hasn't gotten any easier and everyday i miss her ever so more. autumn is approaching fast. she left in autumn. October . My favorite time of year and my favorite month. What a bitch that is. I'll never be able to look at my favorite time of the year again the same. How fitting, though. She left at the end of Autumn. When the leaves die and start falling off the tree's.  I often find myself many times a day wishing this was last year. Because last year she was still here.

I wanta go back.  and my heart struggles with going back and accepting the what now. 

i can't believe its been almost 1 year. I feel as if I've just floated through the last year. I didn't go many places, or do many things.  All summer I've stayed home, barricaded in the house. just try to get my heart to accept what my Brian already knows. 
"She's not coming back."

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Novie turned 3 in July. Alayna turned 13. and next month in September, Legend will be 2 already!  it's crazy to me how fast time goes.

September also would have been my Mom's birthday.  This year in honor of her I'm going to get some balloons, have everyone write little notes in them and let me go, up, up, and away. I'll of course go to the cemetery. I haven't been able to face that yet. I can't face looking at that headstone with her name on it. Man, I miss her. Every aching minute I'm alive. I miss her. 

xoxoxox