Brokenness

Wednesday

gray and dark outside, no wind, no lullabies from the windchimes today

just stillness and silence

not even a hum from the computer, and i could allow myself to get lost inside that stillness today if i didn't have dirty dishes in the sink and loads of laundry calling out to me, furniture that needs dusted and floors that need vacumned 

the morning is slow

with peppermint tea and the steam still rising up and away from my cup.

i've been in hibernation mode lately

not wanting to give anyone my time, wanting to unselfishly hoard it all for myself

maybe its because march has been mostly dreary  and dark

its spitting small drops of rain against the panes of the window right now

as if they can't decide whether to stay or go

im aching to get in the car, roll down the windows, sun shining on my face and wind blowing in my hair as i drive out to the country

a soothing place where i can reconnect with my soul

i can recharge there with the open sky and the tall grasses sighing in the wind

as their lean tall wisps blow gently

they can tell a story all their own only if you are still and listen

i want to hear my grandchildren's laughter 

and i want to love on them BIG

i want to get lost inside myself so that when i come back out

everything is fresh and new

i want to search around and sweep in grace and hold her tight and thank God everyday for the mercy he lavishes on me and never lets me forget that yes, we do have a Savior from this world

he's just wanting, urging, begging you to run to him

and his arms will always be warm and welcoming

he will never abandon you nor forsake you. that there really is one sure thing that we can count on in this unsure and frightening world we live in.

im reading "Ann Voskamp" book, (The Broken Way) its a book that has opened my eyes as well as my heart ,  its okay to be broken (we are all broken in one way or another)  in fact its good to be broken for through our brokenness we are more like Christ.

the only way to avoid brokenness is to avoid love. We are owned by Christ and love owns us all. Pick up your cross. its the only way you or anyone else can know a resurrection. carry your cross so this carrying of pain makes love. it isn't ever the cross you carry, but your resistance to the cross, that make it a burden. absorb the pain with a greater love-touch a shoulder. bite your tongue (i have to practice this one a lot) swallow your complaint. let yourself be worn down to love. (author's words)

i don't know about you, but im tired of hating and carrying around anger all the time. im ready to let that all go. im ready to leap into the joy of living with grace and giving grace for others. im ready to lay my heavy burden at Christ's feet and let him carry it, its too much for me and thinking all these years i could do it my way on my own terms hasn't worked out too great for me. what about you?

go out and be someone's saving grace today. and i promise you, you will feel a hundred times better.

XOXO