Holding on

this is autumn

a lot like me...
.clinging onto things and people that should be in the past.

i never will  understand how you can know someone so deeply, love someone, 

share secrets and promises,  and yet then one day...everything is different. feelings change, and that once great awesome person you thought you knew,
is someone different now....

~~~~

why do people change? why do we hurt the ones we love? and why on earth does it really seem like men and woman should not live on the same planet together....we don't get each other...

a male and female brian think differently ....

it takes commitment and determination to stay in a relationship whether its with a lover, or friend...because people change....their life experiences change them, sometimes for the better, but sometimes not....

~~~~~~~~

your everyday mundane routine may seem normal but literally everything that happens to you in a day will change you..it will be subdle at first and  something deep inside your soul will feel different. it will change the way you love people, it will change your compassion to bitterness

and you will become selfish, without even knowing it...
if you allow it....
im tired of being 'let down' and disappointed in people
and frankly in the whole damn world right now....

~~~~~

every day is a struggle with one thing or another....

im so tired.

my bones ache and my heart is hollow

but
 i think that's okay for now.....
~~~~~~~~
autumn is here one day and gone the next, but i know all too soon the cold winds will blow and the snow will fall ever so gently....
thats how im feeling
like im softly falling into a new self...
a better version of the old me..
i'll be that one last dead leaf still fighting to hold on until one day a strong enough wind will come and i will have to surrend...whether i want to not
i just don't have much left in me to fight for anymore..
but for now
i'll keep holding on...

XOXO