random thoughts of a crazy and mad woman

its early yet. not time for bed and im not even close to being tired. i hate that sleep is so hard from me to come by, when it should be something natural, climb into bed, under the coziness, close your eyes and dream...dream of all the beautiful things your heart desires even if only you can dream them. you never know...some day your wishes may come true. someday you may wake up and be living the dream you've always envisioned in your head...

and..sometimes, maybe not.

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im convinced there is a purpose for us all in life. and why some others seem to have everything figured out, there are others of us that just linger by, day to day. hopelessly  clinging to every little small amount of nothingness to make it through another day. 

popping antidepressants like candy as if they will really work.

im irritated and have been for days and im pretty sure i've missed the last 2 or 3 days of my antidepressants and mindlessly reminding myself to take them in the morning with my coffee...

these days, it doesn't seem to take  much to set me off...  or to send my to my room with the door closed and disappearing into my own little world.

Caitlin has been sick for 3 months now and i wonder if this pregnancy is going to ever ease up on her or if it's going to be 9 months of pure hell. i feel like i haven't talked or even seen much of her in the last 2 months. she sleeps alot and if she's not sleeping shes in the bathroom throwing-up.

i guess im missing my girl. im missing our 'girl talks' because lately she's grumpy with pregnancy hormones and not confiding in me like she use too.

i was really hoping that this pregnancy would bring us closer together, and yet, it may still...im hopeful.

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tomm i have a date at the bookstore  with my bestie, Jen. and from talking to her last night it was stated clearly that we are both needing some girl time together. perhaps i'll feel better, and the world will seem a little kinder and lighter...

we shall see.

goodnight lovelies

xoxo