say what you mean

Monday...

took my Mama over to the Doctor's office today at 1:00pm for her surgery for the cancer on her forehead. she was pretty nervous and was really dreading it, but she got through it ok and i held her hand through out the procedure. the surgery itself didn't seem to bad except for the smell, like burning rotten skin, i don't think i'll ever forget that smell...the worse part was the 6 shots she had to have around the area to get it all numbed up. she was a trooper though. they ended up having to put 12 stitches in and the area that they did the surgery on is a lot bigger than we thought it was going to be. the doctor went in a little farther as a precaution to make sure that he got all the cancer.

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well ran to the store today for wet dog food and ended up spending $150, ridiculous! i hate going into the store! so anyways i get home and im cutting an apple and about near cut my finger off! ouch , it probably needs stitches but screw that, i've spent enough time in the hospital the last month but damn does it hurt. time to start pouring the wine i guess. good thing i picked up a bottle at the grocery store.

  these last few months seriously its been one thing right after the other. i know that things could be so much worse and im grateful that they are not, but some days i feel as if im coming apart at the seams, francially racing to pick up the fallen pieces and put them back together again. today...is one of those days....

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its constant stress with my sister. she went back to her husband and he's been dead drunk for the last 5 days. now when i mean drunk, you've no clue what i mean. i've been around drunks my whole life. my dad was an alcoholic, my sister is an alcoholic but my sisters husband! he definitely takes the cake. hes violent, hes abusive, he's in your face 24/7 for days...today is the 5th day of his drunkenness, i seriously am in fear for her life, or fear that she is going to end up killing him. im at  my ends wit worrying about her, taking care of her, and it never ends, it's been this way for 25 years. 

im so bone weary of taking care and worrying about my sister. years ago i was so naive. i almost laugh now when i think back to those days. in my stupid head i had the belief that because my heart was pure, honest, and compassionate everyone else was too. i had to learn that lesson the hard way that other people are not like i am. after out of the kindness of my heart trying my best to help people let me just say that i've been slapped in the face and not in a good way.

nowadays lets just say im not so naive. im very cautious. 

i've forgiven those people who have wronged me, not for them, but for myself, so that God will forgive me, so he will pour his mercy and love out upon me because I need it. I will always need it. I will always need Jesus in my life. he's my hope, my lifeline. the only person who i know will never let me down and will pick my sorry ass up off the ground when i'm thrown down. the human race may kick me down but i will never stay there!  and i will rise back up stronger than ever before.

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XOXO