Being a Woman is hard...

What a Woman Needs – 20 Non-Negotiables

1. Passion, Drive, Goals

It’s amazing how, no matter how much money she’s making, apart from some well deserved mini vacations, she’s still living paycheck to paycheck when she’s not doing what she loves. What a woman needs is to have a passion, set goals and have the drive to achieve them. The sense of self fulfillment that flows through a woman’s veins when she has something else to live for is reason enough to get out of bed, even when nothing else makes sense. When boyfriends break your heart, bosses are pricks, the weather sucks, and your neighbors bang lounder than great apes, there is something incredible about having control over your own life. Having goals is bigger than love, it’s about you and having the power and a sense of purpose. A woman needs a sense of purpose.

2. Friendship and Genuine Laughter

If you’re lucky enough to have friends, don’t take them for granted. And I’m not talking about ‘friends’, I’m talking about real friends. The kind of friends who know you inside and out, who accept you, support you, and show up at your door with a movie and wine when you’re having a shit day. What a woman needs is the kind of friend they can laugh with, uncontrollably; who they can act silly with, scream and sing out of cars with. Friends who will be there on the bright happy days, the dark days, and the days covered in absolute shit.

3. Confidence

So many factors play into a woman having confidence, but it doesn’t make it any less important or any less attainable. A woman needs to believe in herself because when life gets dark and no one else is around, she needs to be strong enough to pick herself up. It doesn’t matter how strong of a support system she has around her, no “You can do it!” will ever be loud enough if “I can’t do it” is ever spoken, even in a whisper. What a woman needs is to believe in herself, her abilities and her existence. Get it anywhere you can and watch your world get a little bit easier with a little more confidence on your side. Boost your self esteem.

4. An ear {A self-less, objective perspective}

As much beauty, strength and support your close family and friends can bring to the table, what a woman needs is to have an objective option available. Two reasons make this a non-negotiable: 1) You need someone who isn’t afraid to hurt your feelings and whose honest words won’t cut you quite as deep as they would if they were coming from someone closer to you and 2) Whether you realize it or not, it can be a lot easier being honest to a stranger. So for the sake of honesty, get a second opinion on whatever you’re going through in life. (That’s why bartenders, therapists and delayed flights exist – open up)

5. Family

We mostly can’t wait to get away from holidays, family dinners, and catch-me-on-my-way-out-how-have-you-been phone calls. But a woman needs her family. Family doesn’t define you, they’re a part of you. A woman needs the unconditional love that reminds them of everything they were where they were young – whether that consoles them in a time of need or challenges them to push harder when making changes in their life. Family is home base, and what a woman needs is to be able to go home and shut out the rest of the world in the comfort of that home.

6. Social Interaction

This is something you’re probably shrugging off as a ridiculous ‘obvious’ to a list of non negotiables, but it still warrants a bit of support. What a woman needs is to be outside her head every now and then. She needs to react instead of always having to ‘act‘. Parts of her personality need to be challenged and questioned outside of her control. A woman needs social interaction. She needs to be taken by surprise and to meet random people, even just for a passing second. She needs to be able to shut off and become part of the masses for a second. She also needs the opportunity to lead them if she so chooses to.

7. Her Own Space

Whether she has roommates, lives with her boyfriend or her entire family – what a woman needs is her space. She needs a place where she’s unattainable and completely out of reach from what society needs and expects of her. She needs an area in her home filled with her things and things that define her as individual. A place she can turn to when she needs to touch base with who she is, when she gets lost in the thousand hats she wears every day.

8. Her Own Path

A woman needs her own path alongside the drive (#1) to get there. She can’t follow her boyfriend’s path, her husband’s dreams, or what her parents have planned for her. This is the purpose for which she gets out of bed in the morning – a passion – a journey only meant for her to embark on. A path to a dream career; to self discovery; a path to the best version of herself. What a woman needs is a road meant for her and only her – one not judged or compromised by others.

9. A Diary

The uncensored soul is the honest soul, and unfortunately, as much as she wants to deny it, there is no way for a woman to be completely uncensored – even when she’s just talking to herself. Fear, doubt and denial plague us and prohibit us from being completely honest. The closest we get to honesty is when we write for no one to read; when we write to purge, unwind and release. What a woman needs is a private place on which to unload without fear of being judged.  A place she can plan for the future without having to worry about others shooting her down.

10. People she can be herself with

It goes without saying that a life lived by anyone but you is not your life to live. A woman cannot feel the need to hide who she is in fear of losing those around her. What a woman needs is to focus on the rest of the exhausting day to day struggles and be able to kick her feet up and be herself with people she chooses to surround herself with. Something beautiful happens to a woman when she doesn’t waste time or energy on pretending to be something she’s not: she’s exponentially more confident in who she is, and is able to devote her strength to conquering the world.

11. To be admired

Deep down, beneath what sets narcissists and other women apart, lies an innate craving to be admired, to be acknowledged and appreciated. What a woman needs is to be recognized, to be envied, to be approached to mentor others. To not be defined by what others think of her but to be acknowledged for how she has defined herself.

12. Transformation Days

A woman needs to be allowed to question her identity and character, to improve herself, and to explore that path of self discovery she has laid before her (#8). A trip to the hair or nail salon, a new coat or furniture collection. What a woman needs is the right to be obsessed with iconic makeover scenes from the 90s, like in Jawbreaker and Clueless. Stay tuned for the exclusive Indie Bombshell Makeover Challenge starting in March). A woman has the right to want to change, improve, and explore.

13. The world is shitting on me days

Rock bottom. Every woman should be able to hit it and climb back up. Women are entitled to bad days, days that lack inspiration, motivation or a general sense of purpose. They’re entitled to drunk dials, mistakes, bad career moves and days filled with side pony tails and smeared mascara. Women need those days because without them, they’d lack the drive, motivation and appreciation for all that life has to offer. What a woman needs is to feel like shit every now and then so she can use it as fuel when she decides to climb out of rock bottom.

14. Strangers

Everyone has a story. A woman is never fully aware of what life could offer until she hears what it has offered people she’s never met. A woman needs to be challenged and engaged in intellectual conversations with people she’s never met, with completely different pasts and futures. She needs to hear stories she’s never heard before and needs her perspective flipped inside out every now and then. Speaking to strangers, asking questions and listening to stories is exactly what a woman needs to open up doors she never knew were closed to begin with.

15. Energy

What a woman needs is the energy to be every thing, every where, at every moment. Health, diet and fitness: three things that affect a woman’s confidence, mood and overall drive. You don’t realize how important having energy is, especially when you’re masking it with sugar, caffeine, and/or alcohol. The truth is that every factor that affects your energy, affects your entire essence. A woman needs to feel good in her clothes; she needs to be happy, loving, and friendly; she needs to want to get out of bed to make her dreams come true. She needs the energy to be excited about life because without it, she’ll spend her day looking at the clock hoping for bedtime and dreading the morning when she has to do it all over again. A woman needs energy – she needs a love for life.

16. Dancing

Never underestimate the power of letting loose and letting your body dance to the rhythm surrounding you. What a woman needs is to let go, leave her head and her insecurities behind; what a woman needs is to dance. She needs to do it, uncensored, with friends who she can be herself with… as well as in her room, in her underwear, alone, to the sounds of whatever boy band from the 90s she misses most. A woman needs to dance and dance often.

17. Solo time

Something crazy happens the moment a woman wake up in the morning: she becomes part of the rest of the world. She becomes a caretaker, a mother, a lover, an employee, and a friend. Suddenly, her entire day is devoted to serving others and it is exactly in that moment that a woman needs her solo time most. She needs a break to touch base with who she is and quiet who everyone else needs her to be. What a woman needs most… is to take the time to listen to what she, alone, needs.

18. Outside {The Sun and Nature}

Cabin fever is a tragic reality. A woman needs to be able to roam at her leisure and not feel like a prisoner in her home or office. She needs to absorb the benefits of the sun’s rays and the calming effects of trees blowing in the wind. She needs a healthy complexion, to hear the sounds of birds chirping and to be able to jump into her car and go where ever she wants. What a woman needs is freedom.

19. Love, Lust, Whatever

Whether a woman needs intimacy, an orgasm or nothing more than flirtation, when a woman has defined what she wants in the realm of romance, she needs it. If she’s dating, she may need the game of push and pull, a promise for something more serious or maybe she just needs to have fun. A woman may need intimacy, connection, and companionship. She may need a partner between the sheets, an intellectual challenge, or a touch of danger. Whatever a woman needs in that point in time is what a woman needs.

20. Adventure

Something that challenges a woman and pushes her out of her comfort zone; a woman needs adventure.  The thrill of doing something out of the norm and challenging herself to test her limits. What a woman needs is to be pushed into a situation she can prove herself worthy and have fun doing it.