My Caitlin

my silly, stubborn girl. at 17 years old she lives in a dream world. in her head she has everything figured out, and knows everything.  our relationship is troubled, she is just like me.

i had to learn everything the hard way. i've tried as a mother to prevent her from making those same mistakes, but to no avail. i've made numerous mistakes with her since the day she was born.

i wish when you became a parent they gave you an instruction manual. how was i to know that the world would be so much different than it was 20 years ago? it is filled with loathing, hate and no respect from the younger generation. i fear for our children. i fear for their future in this world filled  pure malice. 

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my dearest girl, my beautiful caitlin

you will never fully know the depth of my love for you until you become a mother yourself. i know that i have made numerous mistakes in your young life, and for those i am truly sorry. i wish that i could start all over, so many things i would do differently. the only thing that has remained constant is the never-ending love ive had for you since the moment i first held you in my arms.

you and i sweet girl have always had a turbulent relationship. in the process of that i tried to be your friend instead of a parent. i was craving any kind of affection, or love i could receive from you and i was willing to do whatever i had to do to get it.

that was a huge mistake for me. you didn't need friendship, you needed authority. 

you needed rules, routines,  things that i gave your sister and brother. but since you were the baby, your father's only child, we let you get by with way more than you should have. we sheltered you, we covered you and shield you from the "real" world. 

you've only ever known the safety in your own home, and the unconditional love we've given you.

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i know you think that you are almost 18 and an adult. but let me tell you baby girl, the world is cruel. it's a daily struggle to survive out there unless you are equipped with the right tools.

a good education is the start to a good life.

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when you become a mother you will understand that all any parent wants for their child is a better life than they had.

i want you to know that I love you so very much, and i will always be here for you.

and Jesus loves you so very much and he's dying to have a relationship with you. only with Jesus in your life, guiding you will you become the perfect person he had planned for you to be.

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i know that "life" is so very hard, but you were never meant to do it 'alone'. Im praying that Jesus will be with you to guide you, and to give you strength and to push you in the right direction. and above all this, he will love you...unconditionally as your father and I have.

be smart. and be safe always.

XOXO

Mommy