today....Jamie

today my heart is hugging a mother, a mother i've never met before, but i a woman my heart aches for.  3 years ago she faced the worse fear that any parent fears. she lost her vibrant, beautiful 22 year old daughter...

in one minute your whole world can change...no matter how much you beg, plead to God , no matter how you beg for the knife to stop stabbing your heart, nothing can change what has happened, because one person made a bad decision that affected more than himself and left 2 families with a gaping black void that will never be filled again. 

you never get over grief, losing someone you love, especially your child. you may force yourself to put one foot in front of the other, but the aching is still there. its in the wind that blows through your hair, its their favorite song that comes on radio, its there laughter that use to fill the room..its in the first snowflake that falls and the gentle rain that taps against your window late at night...

its in the pink hazy summer sun that sets low....

the aching

the loneliness of losing that person

and living on photographs and memories that fall from your eyes and stream down your face in gushes...

it is a wound that never heals, no matter how much you don't pick at it...

the edge you live on after something horrific like that is narrow, a mere whisper could push you off, you think you won't make it through another day, but then the sun comes up peering through the window and it takes everything you have inside to face yet another day without them....

I know the holidays are coming up and people will drink and im begging you to please not to make a quick stupid decision that could ruin someone else's life forever...

if you drink, please be responsible and if you see someone about to drive that you know shouldn't be, be that person who takes the keys from their hands and call them a cab or drive them home yourself....

*tracey im thinking of you today and your family and your beautiful daughter, Jamie who is still with you...and will live on through her beautiful daughter, Natalie. 

XOXO