november softly please

tuesday

the first day of november...came in with no fuss at all...no howling wind, or chilly air...she came in softly...

no rain drops, or sleet batting against the window panes...

 windows and doors open

and the cat howling at the door....

still warm enough on the hard wood floors to go without socks....

~~~~~

she called tonight... i hate that snip of tone in her voice that tells me shes been drinking...i hate that she is always saying cruel things about other people, but i love her.

she is my other half...

the good seed, the bad seed...

she's done a lot of heartless and cruel things, and said things in the fury of hate

i forgive her...but i cant be around her for too long of a time...

and she doesn't understand that, and no matter how many times i try to lay it out for her, she simply cannot grasp it...

my lost sister....

lost in another lifetime

so many years ago.

~~~~~~~~~

in three weeks time it will be thanksgiving....

THANKSGIVING

so many things to be thankful for, even on my down days...

i cannot get into the sleep doctor until the end of december....

many sleepless night ahead, im afraid

~~~~~~~~~~~~

its ll:30pm, only

i'll still be up for a few hours no matter how many meds i take to knock me out...

insomnia is just the worse

it's lonely

its dark

and way too quiet, even for me

XOXOX