beyond time....

thursday is...

forever searching for the pipe of peace to nourish and calm my soul that has been unsettled lately..

so many changes coming in the near future i feel that i have no control over...so much heaviness weighing me down this last month...day after day im plugging away trying to find some tranquility in crawling through the days....

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outside i hear the playfulness and giddiness from the children across the alley from me....and inside nothing but the ticking of the clock reminding me that time is floating away in a haste...

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i've been neglecting the simple things lately and letting the depression i struggle to overcome take control....most recently the battle is brutal...

the happy girl in me has buried herself into a deep corner and is hiding...no matter how much i try to implore her to come out and play, she simply refuses... 

so i crawl through the days that linger on and nights that are endless....i want to go out and live, laugh, and love

but there is something holding me back....death and grief have been staying close this summer...leaving my mind in a fog, unable to set myself free...i feel there is no way out...im just wandering around, lost, trying to be found again...

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writer, D.SMITH KAICH JONES

describes it best in a poem she wrote a few months after her mother's death...

i welcomed the new year in bare feet

not knowing the path that lay ahead.

i hated the thorns and pebbles and broken pieces of glass

i hated the cold on my toes

i hated the aloneness of that path

i think now those bare feet saved me.

i've learned pebbles only hurt, not kill.

broken glass only cuts

the bleeding eventually stops

i learned that cold trees welcome the sun with all their hearts

i learned that all paths are walked alone

even if someone is holding your hand

i am not not the same woman i was then

i walk less carefully than i once did.

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