summer days & grief

saturday is...

drop down to your knees, drenched in sweat kind of day. unbearable heat and humidity thick as a block of cheese. the air conditioners barely shut off for a reprieve, they continue on and on in the background trying too keep the house as cool as possible.

i'll be staying in the house for most of the day, with only tiny moments to sneak out to the back porch for a quick smoke...

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i just heard about a terrible accident claiming the life of a young girl who was also a mama to an adorable little boy. i can't even imagine the grief, the tears and the heartache that comes bound to your heart weighing you down lower than you've ever been before... ...for her child, her family, and her friends....

sometimes, life is so unfair and we wonder...why....

im sending prayers to all who knew her, and loved her that God will embrace them and comfort them during the difficult days that are to follow RIP Ashley...

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i've had my own share of grief this summer. tomorrow will be 2 months since my brother died, even though it feels like yesterday we were sitting in his living room...i'll never forget when they turned off the heart defibrillator...he scooted up to the edge of his chair that had served as his bed for the last few months of his life....he appeared anxious and i grabbed his hand and we prayed together...but i'll never forget the look on his face and a slight forced smile, he said, "im gonna be a chicken shit".

my heart ached for him, for his wife, Valerie and for my mother... 

i cant imagine the thoughts that race thru your head when you are staring death in the face...when you know he is coming for you....

he was scared...he was scared to go to sleep for fear of not waking up...and he made his wife, val keep him awake all night long...

i pretty much knew when they shut off the defibrillator that he would probably pass within the next 24 hours...he almost made it too ....just 2 hours shy of a full day...

i hope that he is up there with God by his side, laughing and fishing and finally set free from pain that had attached itself to his body for nearly 20 years....

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RIP angels...

XOXOX