Unconditionally (Getting Real)

GETTING REAL....

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, it can also be love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism, or complete love. Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love which has no bounds and is unchanging.

full, complete, total, positive, entire, utter, explicit, outright, unlimited, downright, unqualified, unrestricted,out-and-out, plenary, categorical, unreserved 

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Wow...that is powerful. how many of us can truly say without hesitation that we truly love someone else wholly and fully, without strings attached?

i believe,  that i truly never knew the full meaning of loving someone "unconditionally" until i had children...until i gazed into that sweet little human being that i created and was a part of me, thats when i experienced true love for the first time....thats when i knew without a doubt i would lay down my life for this person...no hesitation at all...

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today people throw the words...i love you....around way to easily, without emotion, without hesitating as if it means nothing...

i know i've done it....maybe because someone told me they loved me first  so i responded out of kindness to say it back...to make them feel wanted perhaps....or needed....worthy

to keep them on the back burner per say encase i needed a back up friend in the middle of the night

but in all reality i was doing it because it felt safe...i didn't feel alone....

ive always harbored a fear of being alone, not being worthy, or good enough...not smart enough, or pretty enough, or skinny enough

i've been dragged down to the pits of hell in self loathing

and now i've come to realize that we really don't get much say in what direction our life goes...

you have to travel through some mean ass shit and come across people whos values, and beliefs are different than yours. does that mean we should love them any less because they are not like us? 

maybe we can take these people who no longer fit in our lives and learn a valuable lesson through it....

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every day i get up and i try my hardest to be kind

to be decent and treat others as i want to be treated

there are days that this chore is tested beyond my control and i simply lose it. i cannot do it.

and after the anger has subsided, i sit and i think...and i beat myself up over it

until i drag myself down so low that i feel absolutely worthless as a human being.

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and i allow myself to stay in that pit sometimes for weeks on end.

im messy and im flawed and im loud and boisterous, but im also 

kind hearted, loving and a awesome friend.....

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this week ive been crawling out under the pit that ive been living under for the past few months. ive really been present in the moment, and stayed true to my beliefs ...because i am who i am...

this is me.... 

XOXO