.....few words.....just thoughts....

today is few words and too many thoughts....

warm day and locusts are in full swing belting out a boasterous melody today

its early morning booking a wedding and scheduling meetings in the first half hour upon waking...

its gonna be a day of staying home and playing catch up on laundry and never ending

house chores that get neglected during the week  

and a delicious sunset evening shoot later...

~~~~~~~~~~

its letting go.....

goodbyes have always been so ungodly hard for me...

and cutting people who once meant a lot to me out of my life are a real struggle

even if i know its for the best...

its a battle when i can't make any sense out of it...

and it replays over and over in my head

like a song i've got stuck on repeat all day long...

why is it the ones we think will never leave

are in fact, the ones that always do....

leaving you bewildered

and sometimes, just sometimes,

the ones we think will  leave 

are in fact the very ones that stay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

........she said, baby things change....

forever is a promise no love can survive....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

spending a few days alone, reading a good book and eating

decedent desserts are sometimes all it takes to turn me around, guiding me into the right direction 

and out of my funk..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i try extremely hard to be a good friend and i wholeheartedly except the flaws in others...i embrace them (the non perfectness and messiness)  and i think in my mixed up sort of way that i can somehow help them... i except the brokenness with open arms and i forgive and move forward...

so when someone i have cared for can't do the same for me....

....it hurts....

it hurts a lot....

life is a challenge sometimes...well lately a lot of times....

but i believe with every good-bye 

God will reward us with a new hello

~~~~~~~~~~~~

my sweetest moments lately have been spending quality time with alayna..just her and i, strolling hand in hand...embracing the beautyness of the day with open arms...

the sunshine

the rain

jumping in puddles

and snuggles throughout the night

early mornings and blueberry pancakes

and baby kisses on the forehead at night...

i will never tire of this part of my life with her

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the last few years of my life have  been a turmoil 

striving to go this way....when my heart is telling me to go a different way

but i do know that i can dance with the wildness, and fall into myself

to substain me when all else falls away

i know i can sit with pain...feel it with my whole heart...

without fightiing to crawl out to fix it, or fade it...

im embracing the ugliness, the sadness, the imperfections of people wholeheartedly 

and i hope that someone will do the same for me...

im forgiving and caring

i will be the one who picks you up off the floor even though you have

slapped me in the face....

i never have and never will trudge lightly thru this world

i've always jumped in head first

and i always will....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and if i've crossed your path somewhere in my life

i hope that i've made you a better person and that when you think of me

you will smile...with no regrets...

XOXOX